Pain
by faeriedustfalls
Summary: When Edward leaves, Bella is sucked into a vicious circle of self harm, trying to ease the pain. But someone unexpected shows up, and he happens to be the best medicine she could want! BxJ
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters or anything from Twilight!:) **

Chapter 1

I stared out of my window, into the black, nothingness of the night sky. I sighed. The view reminded me of my life now. Ever since my love, Edw- I couldn't think of his name, not yet, - had left me, I felt empty, lost.

Pain was my only relief. I gently stroked my right arm, feeling the thin bumps running up to my elbow. I was lucky the weather was so awful in Forks. Back in Phoenix I wouldn't get away with hiding my cuts for very long. Here I could wear long sleeves constantly and nobody would be any the wiser. I felt guilty for what I was doing, knowing how crushed Charlie would be if he ever found out how I was dealing with my loss. Yes, loss. Break up was the understatement of the century.

A single tear cascaded down my cheek. Another sleepless night, another red line marking my skin, another reminder of the weeks I'd spent alone. I knew my school friends, Mike, Angela and Ben were worried about me but I couldn't quite bring myself to assure them otherwise. And, of course, Jacob. Jake knew I was hiding something from him. He knew that I was putting on a brave face but he didn't know about my 'coping method.' That secret was mine to keep. If anyone found out…. I couldn't bear to hurt them like that.

Moving back from my window I settled into bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to take me. I eventually succumbed to the nothingness.

When I awoke in the morning I found Charlie sleeping in the chair next to my bed. I instantly felt a surge of guilt. I must have been screaming in my sleep again. I hated doing this to him, I knew he was out of his mind with worry. But, stubborn as ever, I was rejecting all help, assuring everyone I was fine.

It was Saturday, so I padded out of the room and to the kitchen. I stuck some waffles in the toaster and poured some coffee. I soon heard Charlie's footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Breakfast, Dad."

"Thanks, Bells. Rough night again, huh?"

I reddened, and busied myself in the fridge, looking for nothing in particular.

"You're not going to have any?" Charlie asked, indicating his plate.

"No, I've eaten," I lied.

That was another thing. Losing your eternal love sure deadens your appetite. Everyone commented on my weight loss, but I didn't see it as an issue. I would eat when I was hungry.

Charlie was watching me as he chewed. I suddenly felt claustrophobic, as if I was being monitored.

"Dad, I'm going to Angela's," I lied, "I'll be back later."

"Sure, Bells," Charlie smiled, glad to see I was starting to act like a normal human being.

I flashed a weak smile, grabbed my keys and headed for my truck. I had no idea where to go, just anywhere that didn't remind me of _him._ I found myself heading out of town, toward Seattle. After a little while I saw a large lake, surrounded by trees. It looked nice and secluded. I pulled over, and started to walk, wanting time alone to clear my head. Inhaling deeply, I felt free. No suspicious, worried glances from friends, no sympathy, no awkward questions. Just me.

Half way round the lake I noticed a man, dressed in black, sitting on a bench and staring out over the water. I intended to pass him by, until I drew closer, and saw who was sat there.

"Jasper?" I breathed, shocked.

The blond vampire looked up, as shocked as I was.

"Bella?"

I nodded. I didn't know what to do, make my excuses and leave? I knew that's what I should do, but for some reason I found myself rooted to the spot.

"What are you doing here? You … left," I choked, barely holding myself together. His eyes, his skin, all painful reminders of –

"You weren't the only one left behind," he said quietly.

I was confused. Jasper had done nothing wrong. Why would he not be allowed to stay with his family-? He must have sensed my confusion, explaining,

"I almost killed you, Bella. Edward didn't want to know me after that. Alice could never quite forgive me either. Every day I could feel their accusation, their resentment. I can't live like that."

"But Jasper," I choked back my tears, "_I _forgive you, you did nothing wrong! You're a vampire, it's what you're meant to do!"

I couldn't believe this. They had abandoned Jasper too? I could see the pain in his eyes, the loneliness. I felt the hot tears coursing down my cheeks before I had a chance to stop them.

"Bella? Don't cry! Please!" Jasper was up in a blur, standing two feet away from me. I could see plainly that he wanted to comfort me, but I knew he couldn't. He had more trouble controlling his thirst than the rest of his family. Embarrassed, I quickly wiped the tears away.

"I'm sorry, it's just, I can't believe you've lost your family, because of _me!_" I sobbed the last word, felt the guilt wash over me like a tidal wave. It was so heavy I felt my knees give. The world tilted at a strange angle, when I suddenly felt ice cold hands on my legs and back. I was scooped up so quickly I hardly knew what had happened. When I turned my head I was staring into Jaspers topaz eyes. I saw worry and concentration in his face. Worry, I guess as I'd almost cracked my skull fainting, concentration with the sheer amount of effort it took him to hold me so close. I had never truly looked at Jasper before. His chiselled jaw, tousled golden hair, soft, caring eyes…. He took my breath away.

"Are you ok?" He asked, clearly uncomfortable.

"Yes! S-sorry!" I stammered. He placed me down, looking at me anxiously.

"Why don't you sit down? That was a close one," he said softly, attempting a lopsided smile.

Obediently I sat on the bench. He stood, looking at me.

"Where are you staying?" I asked.

"At the house. No one will be living there again, so I thought I may as well use it."

This comment brought fresh tears to my eyes, though I was able to fight them well enough to stop them falling.

"Jasper, I really am so sorry," I whispered, unable to comprehend how much damage I'd caused.

"No, Bella, it's me who should apologise."

I violently shook my head. I wasn't the one who had lost everything. Sure, it felt like it, but I still had my parents, my school friends. I'd left Jasper with nothing.

He looked at me warily, probably afraid I was going to faint again.

"Shall I walk you to your truck?"

Mutely, I nodded. As we walked, he, always three or four feet away, watched me. I didn't meet his gaze, terrified I would find hate and anger in his eyes.

When I reached my truck, I turned to say good bye, but he was nowhere to be seen. I climbed into my truck, lay my forehead on the steering wheel, and sobbed. Without thinking I fumbled in the glove-box, till I found a penknife Charlie insisted I kept for emergencies. Well, this was certainly one of those. Pulling up my right sleeve, I drew the blade along my arm, the sting of the cut helping to ease the anger I felt toward myself. I had punished myself for ruining Jaspers life. Feeling a little better, I took a deep breath and headed home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When I got home, Charlie's cruiser was missing. I assumed he had probably gone over to La Push for the Saturday game. I took the stairs two at a time and threw myself on my bed, feeling hollow and empty once again. I turned my head and saw a folded note on my bedside table. Confused, I unfolded the paper.

_Bella, _

_If you would like, come to see me. I don't blame you, and some company might be nice. _

_Your friend, Jasper_

I frowned, uncertain as to why Jasper would want me as a friend after everything I had done. I glanced at the clock. It was only 12pm. I could either lie here alone, or go visit Jasper now. I dashed back down the stairs and clambered into my truck.

On the journey my stomach twisted into knots. I had never disliked Jasper, yet nor had I ever really got to know him. He had always been careful to keep his distance. I had no idea what I would say to him, how to even begin…. Before I knew it I saw the large white house. He was waiting outside the door, his arms by his sides, eyes wide.

I took a deep breath and got out of the car. He looked like a God, as all vampires do, although surpise was written on his countenance. I wondered why, after all, he was the one who had asked me to come over.

"Hi," I said, smiling awkwardly.

"Hello," he replied, equally as uncomfortable.

"I, er, got your note."

"I didn't expect to see you so soon. Please come in, Bella."

I followed him in to the house, realising that it looked bare. Most of the furniture was still there, but lots of the paintings, vases and ornaments were gone. It felt like a ghost of the home it once was.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Jasper asked politely.

"Er, sure," I mumbled, hoping a soda would ease the twisting in my gut.

He appeared almost instantly with a can of cola, and indicated to me to sit on the sofa. I sat down, and opened my soda, looking at Jasper warily. I wasn't exactly sure what to do or say, so I thought as he had asked me here I would let him start the conversation.

"Bella, I saw what you did in the car today," he said, weakly for a vampire, "It really hurt me, seeing you do that to yourself. I didn't come over for obvious reasons, but please, please tell me what I can do to help."

He looked at me with pain and desperation in his eyes. This surprised me, I hadn't expected him to have still been watching me, and I certainly hadn't expected him to care quite so much.

"Jasper, I- you can't… it's my way of…. coping," I stammered, feeling completely mortified.

He looked at me, pleading with his eyes. I tried to look nonchalant, but soon felt the familiar hot rush of tears down my face. As I cried, my pain rose. Soon I was sobbing hysterically. Suddenly I felt icy arms wrap around me.

"Shhh, Bella, it's okay."

Wait a second, Jasper was comforting _me? _It should be the other way round. I was the one who had ruined his life, took away everything he ever had. I didn't know what to say to him. And now he was having to comfort me. I felt horrible, selfish.

I lifted my head, looking into his golden eyes. The air in the room seemed to stand still, I felt my stomach flip. I realised I wasn't breathing, nor was he. Our noses were almost touching, his arms around me. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. After an eternity, Jasper suddenly moved away from me.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I don't know what I wa- you should go."

Ok, now I was really confused. He was ordering me to leave? Suddenly, I realised. Of course, he finally understood what a monster I was. Shame reddened my cheeks. I turned and started for the door.

"Bella…."

I turned around. Jasper was still standing where he was, looking at me with a mix of pain and wonder.

"I'll… I'd like it if you came back. You shouldn't feel shame, I don't blame you."

I nodded and headed for my truck.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

In bed that night I thought about Jasper. I had never before seen such a caring and sensitive side to him. Of course you could always sense the tenderness he harboured towards Alice, but even then he had been more private, more reserved about his feelings.

I kept replaying our moment of silence in my head, over and over. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened. In that moment of stillness I felt complete, as if my heart hadn't been shattered into a million pieces. I had felt normal again, almost uplifted. I still couldn't figure out what Jasper had been thinking. Thirst? It was probably the closest he had been to a human without… killing them.

Eventually I drifted into sleep, Jaspers face in my head. When I awoke in the morning, I was amazed. I had slept the entire night through, moreover, my chair was empty. I hoped that meant Charlie had had a peaceful night too. I headed to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower, dressed in my comfiest sweatpants and hoody and headed down to the kitchen. Charlie was at the table, eating toast and reading the paper.

"Morning, Bells. Good nights sleep?" he said, smiling, obviously thrilled that I hadn't screamed the house down last night.

"Yes thanks, Dad," I replied, feeling strangely buoyant, though I had no idea why.

"You look better this morning," he remarked, relief pasted across his face.

"I um, feel better, yeah."

I wasn't entirely convinced this mood would last, so I didn't want to get Charlie's hopes up. I reached for the Pop Tarts and stuck two in the toaster. He noticed, and I saw a grin break over his face. Good, he could enjoy his Sunday in peace, without having to worry about his daughters' nervous breakdown.

"I'm going fishing with Harry today. Fancy a trip down to the reservation?"

"Er, no thanks Dad. I've actually got a ton of homework," I lied. I might be able to fool Charlie into thinking every thing is fine, but that same idea didn't work when it came to Jacob. I couldn't face an interrogation today, not when I was feeling… well, carefree was probably the best word. I didn't want Jakes concern killing my good mood.

"Alright kid, well I'll be off then. Phone Sue if you need me."

"Sure thing. See ya."

Now that Charlie had gone I was at a loss. I didn't actually have any homework. I'd finished it all on Friday, desperate to kill time. I wandered aimlessly through the house but nothing particularly piqued my interest. As a last resort I grabbed the remote and settled on the sofa for some 'no brain cells required' TV. As the television flickered to life I was mortified to see the film 'Dracula' playing. Great! Just what I needed. Sighing, I flicked to the next channel. The Vampire Diaries. Seriously! Next channel , 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer.' Right! That was it! Angrily stabbing the 'off' button I pulled on my jacket and climbed in my truck.

As I pulled up outside the Cullen's house, I realised what a wreck I looked. Blushing I scraped my fingers through my damp hair, but it didn't do much good. Oh well, it wasn't like Jasper didn't have a beautiful, graceful, immortal girlfriend. Who cared what I looked like?

I turned to open the door and almost jumped out of my skin. Jasper had opened the door and was standing less than two feet away from me. Anxiety creased his marble brow.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said, looking genuinely apologetic.

"Oh," I breathed, "that's ok. I just wasn't expecting you to er.." Stupid Bella, he was a super fast, super silent vampire with impeccable manners, of _course _he would be there to open your door.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked, striking his usual lopsided grin. I felt my breath catch in my throat. God, he was beautiful when he did that. Wait, what was I _thinking_? He's E- _his _brother! Shaking my head of the thought I stepped down.

"Boredom, mainly," I said lightly. I saw a quick flash of disappointment cross his features. I immediately felt bad.

"And um, yesterday…you were very… understanding," I added quickly. I saw a glimmer of something else cross his face, but it was too quick for me to read it. He simply nodded and headed towards the house. I followed behind him, trying to keep a little distance. I felt that I was being more cautious than he was.

"Would you like something to eat or drink?" he asked, pausing at the kitchen door. I shook my head. "Ok, um, well what do you want to do?" He looked a little uncomfortable, obviously not knowing what to suggest to a human girl. Poor Jasper. I quickly raced through ideas in my head.

"Er," I hadn't really planned much past getting here. "Well we could just watch a film or…. I really just wanted some company."

He flashed a grin and led me to the lounge.

"Ok, Miss Swan, take your pick," he said, gesturing to the colossal DVD cabinet that lined the one wall. I gulped, having absolutely no idea where to even start. I heard him chuckle behind me. "Do you want some help choosing?"

"Actually, why don't you choose Jasper?" I said, relieved to find an excuse not to choose through the hundreds of films. Looking over my shoulder to him, I was taken aback to find him looking a little confused. "What?" I demanded.

"You want me to choose?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" Ok, now I was the one who was confused.

"Ok." His eyes flashed rapidly over the shelves. Suddenly, his amber eyes lit up, and he seized a DVD. It was an old black and white movie. He had put the disc on and played it before I had time to think, then sat on the large white sofa, looking at me expectantly. I sat next to him, though still a few feet away. "I've never chosen a movie before."

I was startled at the soft, wistful tone of his usually deep, strong voice. I stared at him, my eyes wide. He'd never chosen a movie? Come on, the guy was around when movies were invented!

"I can feel your confusion," he said, smiling, "The others were always very… particular… about what they wanted to watch. I was never asked what I wanted to see."

I had always thought of the Cullen family as one strong, perfect unit. I was quickly learning that perhaps this wasn't entirely the case.

"It, um, seems like you weren't treated as equally as the others," I said, half a question, half a statement.

"I never really felt a true part of the family, Bella. Alice fit in right away, the others had been together for decades before we arrived. Don't get me wrong, they were my family, and I loved them, but I never felt truly… included. Not that I minded too much. I mean, what's so special about choosing a movie, huh?" he joked, almost fooling me into believing that it didn't matter at all. But the look of pure excitement when he picked out the film told me otherwise. I turned my head to the tv, not sure what to say to him. The old fashioned music started, the credits rolling. The film consisted of people singing, dancing, living a merry life in a world that was so different to the one I was living in. I was entranced. It seemed as though all my problems didn't exist for that precious hour when I could inhabit a simpler, happier world.

When the end credits appeared I turned to Jasper, beaming.

"Jazz, that was great! Good choice!"

He looked at me, smiling too. "I'm glad you liked it. And I have to say, I like the nickname too."

I blushed. I hadn't meant to be too casual with him. He was, after all, the member of the Cullen family I was least familiar with. But I was finding it so easy to be relaxed around Jasper. Even after everything that happened after my birthday I felt I could trust him.

" So why did you choose that movie?" I asked, curious as to why a major in the army would pick an old musical.

If vampires could blush, I'm sure that's exactly what he would have done. He looked sheepish. "It was one of the first movies I ever saw. For obvious reasons I couldn't go into a movie theatre, I saw this back in the days of drive-in movies. That way I could always keep my distance, remain hidden. Out of temptation's way." He smirked, obviously covering for his embarrassment over his control for human blood.

"Well it was really good! I shall have to watch more old movies after that!"

Jasper's eyes lit up again. "Really? That would be great!" I loved how easily he seemed to be pleased, before I realised he was probably lonely. And that it was all my fault. Guilt washed over me, I could feel the dark cloud of depression hang precariously close. Jasper looked confused.

"Bella, what did I say? I don't understand."

I shook my head. I could feel the tears welling up, stinging my eyes. Suddenly I felt a pair of cool arms encircle me. This just wasn't fair, once again Jasper was comforting me, when it was he who had lost everything. That did it. The tears started pouring down my cheeks. I felt so wretched, I just wanted to disappear. Jasper said nothing, just rocked me gently.

Eventually the tears ran out. After what seemed like a lifetime I looked up into his amber eyes. There was nothing but concern in them.

"I- I'm s-sorry," I stammered, "I just- Jazz you lost everything because of me. And I am so sorry!"

Jasper clasped his hands round my arms. "No Bella! I was the one who threw everything away. It's my self control that's to blame. Please, don't blame yourself. Please."

He looked so upset, so earnest. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. Deep down I didn't believe it, but saying what I felt obviously caused him pain, so I decided for now it was easier to agree.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he said, with his usual half smile. I managed a small laugh, and then excused myself, for 'human needs' I told him.

In the bathroom I stared at my reflection. I looked disgusting. My eyes were red and puffy, my skin splotchy, and my hair had turned into rats tails from where I'd lain on the sofa. I splashed some cold water on my face and took a few deep breaths. I felt awful for spoiling the fun we had been having. I made a mental note not to do that again. This was the most fun I'd had in weeks, I wasn't going to let my little guilt trips get in the way. I tugged my fingers through my hair and headed back to the lounge.

Jasper was nowhere to be seen, but I could smell grilled cheese coming from the kitchen. I headed in, and there was Jasper, a worried look on his face, prodding the cheese on toast under the grill with a spatula. He looked up as I entered the room.

"Bella! I.. uh, I thought you might be hungry. I've never really hung around humans so much before, so I don't really know if..." My laughter cut him short.

"Jazz I don't think I've ever seen you so flustered!" I giggled "It smells great!"

"Really? I can't say I'm too clued in when it comes to this stuff." He indicated the toast and scrunched his nose.

"Really. Trust me." I grinned as he slipped the toast onto a plate and faster than I could see added a can of soda next to it.

"Thank you," I said, taking a bite. It was done to perfection. I rolled my eyes, vamipres could even cook to perfection.

"What?" he asked, noticing my derisive reaction.

"Nothing, Jazz," I said and smiled. He visibly relaxed.

"So... what else do you want to do today?" he asked.

I laughed. "You could make Charlie's dinner for me" I teased, "as you're clearly a talented chef."

Jasper chuckled, "What's this Miss Swan? Am I your personal slave now?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Half an hour later, Jasper and I were laughing and in that moment I couldn't care less about my troubles. I had shown Jasper how to create a vegetable filling, which he said smelled disgusting and made a fuss about. He held the spatula like it was on fire. This had thrown me into spasms of laughter.

"Jasper!" I gasped in between giggles, "I never knew vampires could be so... _pathetic!_" I paid for that remark with a flick of tomato sauce in my face, which only sent me into more waves of mirth. After a particularly snide remark from him I decided it was high time I got my own back and threw a fistful of flour in his face. He blinked, mouth open.

"Isabella Swan I expected a far more ladylike manner from you!" he said, "You know you'd never stand a chance against me in a food fight, don't you?"

Uh oh, now I had it coming.

Before I could blink I was also covered head to toe in flour. Jasper grinned back at me.

"Right, Jasper Hale, you asked for it," I cried, knowing full well I was no match for a vampire at speed, but enjoying the challenge all the same. I swung the bag of sugar at him and watched it rain down off his marble forehead. He laughed, grinned and almost instantly I found myself with another face –full of tomato sauce.

"J-Jasper!" I gasped, "please stop!"

"I must say, Miss Swan, red is definitely your colour!" I grinned at him and shook my head.

"You look no different, Jazz. You're that white anyway," I teased. He laughed too, and moved forward to wipe the sauce off my face. I held my breath. I'd never been this close to him before. His amber eyes gazed into mine and my stomach started doing flip-flops. I wished he didn't have his ability to know my feelings, because right now things were embarrassingly intimate. Our faces were only inches apart. I could see the concentration in his eyes, and saw it change to determination. I inhaled his amazing scent, it was so masculine, so compelling. All of a sudden everything else seemed to disappear. Nothing else mattered but Jasper and I. Our lips were almost touching. I closed my eyes.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! I almost jumped out of my skin as the kitchen timer went off. Jasper's eyes widened and he jumped back. He looked embarrassed.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I, er I..." He ran his fingers through his golden hair, and looked at me nervously. I was too shocked to speak, and I was fairly sure my knees were going to give way.

"It's, um... it's okay Jazz," I stammered, trying to breathe normally, "Can you excuse me? I think I need a human moment."

I practically ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Shutting the bathroom door, I splashed some cold water on my face. What the hell just happened?


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Had some trouble figuring this chapter out!**

Chapter 5

After regaining some sort of composure I wandered back to the kitchen. I kept playing the last few moments back in my mind. For a second I had thought Jasper was going to kiss me. Worse, for a second I had wanted him to. I didn't understand any of it. Jasper was E- _his- _brother, for pity's sake! I should not be feeling like this about anyone, much less about Jasper.

As I entered the kitchen I realised Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

"Er, Jasper?" I said, knowing he would hear me from anywhere in the house. After a minute of silence I called again, this time a little louder. Still nothing. Hot tears pricked in the corners of my eyes. I had ruined everything. Again. He was gone, just like Edw-...

I ran to my truck, the tears blurring my vision. I couldn't believe I had wrecked this too, after everything I had done to hurt Jasper! I had been starting to make amends with this new friendship, but now I had driven him away again. I reached for the penknife in the glove box, and closed my eyes as I felt the pain seep away with the blood from my arm.

I don't know how long I sat there, but after what seemed like hours I decided it was probably time to head home. Charlie would be home soon, and I didn't want him to wonder where I'd gone. As I pulled out of the Cullen's driveway I was about to take the right turn back to Forks. Suddenly I swerved, turning left instead, towards La Push. I needed a friend right now, and I knew my personal sun would be able to help me.

As I pulled into Jakes, I saw him come jogging out of the house, a huge grin plastered on his face. I pulled up next to Charlie's cruiser. It was clearly earlier than I had thought.

"Bells! How are you? I didn't expect a visit from you today," he said, beaming. The smile left his face as soon as he saw mine. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Are, um, are Charlie and Billy here?"

"No they've not gotten back yet, do you want to go into the garage?" he said, worry creasing his brow. I simply nodded and followed him across the front yard. We sat on the old sofa in the corner and Jake put his arm round me.

"Okay Bells, spill. What's the problem?" He looked genuinely worried and it was all I could do to look at him. I opened my mouth, but the words stuck in my throat, I had no idea where to begin. Instead I looked down and fiddled with the sleeve of my shirt, biting my lip hard to stop further tears from giving me away. Not that it did much good. "Seriously, Bella, you're freaking me out now," Jake said, his voice wavering just a little.

At last I found my voice.

"Can we... can we go for a walk?"

"Sure, where do you want to go?" He pulled me to my feet.

"The beach." He nodded and took my hand. I didn't mind, my thoughts were so caught up elsewhere I probably would have walked in completely the wrong direction anyway. We wandered over to the washed up trunk we always sat on. Jake sat immediately, but I stayed standing, having no idea where to being. I told him so.

"Hey, Bella you can tell me anything you know," Jake said softly, smiling encouragingly at me, although the smile never reached his eyes. I knew I had to tell someone, and I knew that I trusted Jake more than anyone in the world. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and rolled up my sleeve.

The silence stretched for what seemed an eternity. When I eventually found the courage to open my eyes, my heart sank. Tears were falling from Jacob's eyes.

"Jake, I..." There weren't words to describe how I felt. Sorry, yes and no. Like I had let him down? Definitely. Embarrassed? Horrifically. Jacob shook his head.

"Bella, why...?" he whispered.

"I guess I'm just not coping too well right now," I replied, rolling my sleeve back down to my wrists. I expelled a breath and sat down next to him, feeling too much like a coward to look him in the eyes. Jake reached down and pick up a large pebble. I watched as he walked calmly to the shore and stood still for a few moments, before angrily throwing the rock with all his might and eliciting a loud expletive. I could see his body quivering with rage. I didn't know what to do, whether to let him get it out or try and calm him. I decided on the former.

We stood apart in silence for what seemed like forever. Slowly Jake visibly calmed. I cast my eyes to the ground as he turned around and slowly made his way back to me. Very gently he took my arm and kissed my wrist very softly.

"Bella..." he whispered. I looked up into his eyes. I saw hurt and betrayal, yet also worry etched into his features. Suddenly he pulled me into a warm, tight embrace. "Please... don't do that again. Whenever you feel like that, come straight here and see me, okay?"

I nodded, my eyes welling up. I actually felt better now that Jake knew. I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We stood in that embrace for a quarter of an hour at least, looking out at the waves. Eventually Jake moved away, and held my hands in his.

"So, do you want to stay for dinner? I bet Charlie would like that. We could order in pizza?" He looked at me hopefully, clearly making an effort to lighten the mood and help me feel normal.

"Sure," I grinned, and we headed back to Billy's, hand in hand.


End file.
